Men want sex. And my refusal to become a Moose.

I had a great IM conversation with someone who is one of the most interesting men I know and whom I greatly admire for how he's conquered his demons and how he writes about them.  He's a Fire Fighter, Carpenter, Contractor and Drag Queen.  So basically, when he's a man he's ALL MAN, and when he's not he's partial to tight leather skirts and leopard print bras (that he probably bought on sale, the bitch).  So if there was anyone that I thought could help me straighten out my dating profile and offer hints on how to dress sexier, all at one time, (what?  I'm nothing if not efficient) I trusted it would be him. 


So, I showed him my dating profile.  I expected a few edits (cause I'm wordy y'all), a couple of risque quotes, being told which bra to wear for the boob shirt pic, etc... not an;


 "OMG, get rid of the whole thing!"  


Uhm, what? ouchie....  Now I had worked really hard on that profile.  It was funny and honest and I felt a really good depiction of who I was and what I wanted.  His response "No it's not!"  And then he gave me some verbiage that he felt is what I should write and was honest.  My response ""But, but, but that's not funny?  It has no humor in it... it's so BOOOORING..."   Apparently, men are supposed to find out about my goofball personality AFTER they've already made the initial investment in dinner. 


We talked a bit more about what men were really looking for, and while I thought the whole "just sex" thing was just a front, he confirmed it wasn't.  Men apparently ARE looking for just sex (who knew?) but it also had to be sex that they felt they had HUNTED for.  Something about no self respecting hunter would shoot a moose that just walked up to him and said "Shoot Me."  (Which I beg to differ with, cause I think they would shoot the moose anyway, they just wouldn't respect it in the morning, but I MIGHT be mixing metaphors here.) So, apparently,  I have to figure out the balance of not asking to be shot, but making sure that they KNOW if they have me in their sights I might not run away.  :/ 


THE FUCK?


 Every man I talk to states they just want a woman who is honest and  can be themselves and isn't in to "playing games."  I'm pretty sure it's actually written in about 85% of the "about my ideal partner" section in most dating websites.  And yet apparently, men are ALL ABOUT THE GAME, though of course, they don't call it a game - they prefer to think of it as the HUNT.  I think they actually train women to be psychotic bitches  (no, I will not sleep with you, yes, I desire you, oh wait, no I don't, well maybe if you kiss me right there... *slap* how dare you, well, OK, well maybe I'll let you touch... oh that feels good - WAIT no - sorry, too soon.  Did you bring the filet knife?) WTF???


A few of us hold out, thinking that reason and humor and genuine affection is really what the "good" ones want.  Again, apparently we're wrong.  Guys love it when it actually happens and they end up with a mate that's like that - but it's not what they are LOOKING for.  It's just kind of happy collateral apparently.  


So, advice I was given in a nutshell.  Don't look for a relationship, have fun, have sex, and if a relationship is gonna happen, it will.  Do not ask to be shot, just let it be known that you won't exactly run if aimed at.  Also, I need to take fly fishing lessons, cause men, especially Alaskan men, totally respect a woman who can fly fish.  I guess it's the equivalent of shooting a moose with a large rack.  (ability to fly fish = large rack? topic of future blog) 


I don't know, I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out to be a come-hither moose.  Also, I think it's only fair that any guy I meet understands what a nerd I am at the outset, cause I feel it would be lying to represent myself as anything else.  And it they can't handle me for who I am, then really - why go through the effort of playing some elaborate charade, only to end up divorced later???  


All that being said, I think I'm still signing up for fly fishing lessons. After all, you can't completely discount the opinions of a man who can appreciate a really cute bra.  


Also, and it's only fair to mention - after I made the changes to my dating profile, I got triple the responses in one day, than a normal day  under last profile. Guys are weird.