Do you care if they Love you Back?

How many people can you love before it's too much? she said & I said I didn't think there was any real limit as long as you didn't care if they loved you back. ~ Story People

Wow, writing three days in a row.  I'm kinda impressed with myself.  That's like three days longer than my last diet lasted.  


I've been really concerned about a friend lately.  He's been sad and deservedly so.  But it seems like every time I try and reach out to him, I'm ignored or belittled.  So my question is, how long do you continue to care for someone when they don't care about you?  Or worse, themselves?  I mean, he's the one going through the issue, so the last thing I need to do is make it about "me" (which, unfortunately, I seem to excel at)  and really, he deserves the right to decide who he allows to enter in to his life during this time.  But would it KILL him to return a direct message or text?  


On one hand I can accept and acknowledge the need to be alone.  But during college I had one good friend attempt suicide and two other acquaintances actually achieve the goal.  It was a really small campus of approximately 1200 people, so it really affected me.  Were there signs I missed?  "OMG I was arguing  with that guy at the bar two weeks before he killed himself because he told me his room mate had a crush on me and I couldn't believe him cause his room mate was like an ADONIS, he seemed OK, what did I miss? If I would have been a better friend, could I have prevented this?"  And then there was my other friend who attempted suicide... I mean yeah, she listened to The Cure (before they got all Pop), dyed her hair black, and was "dark" as all get out, but hell, I went through my stages as well - and her license plate read LWYR2B, demmit,  that meant she had FUTURE PLANS, RIGHT?


Her room mate came home from hanging out with our group at the bar one night, and went to wake her up to gossip -  and she found her unconscious with slit wrists.  Again the questions - "What did I miss?  I've been hanging out with her almost every day for a semester - what should I have done differently,  how could I not have seen it?" Whatever "it" was.  (She is now the mother of two, living happily, with pictures of herself on Facebook, smiling widely. Brilliant, gorgeous red hair streaming, in case you were worried.  Cause I know you were, so just to let you know it's all ok now.)  


I guess maybe I'm just a little over sensitive when the Emo talk begins.  I pay a little more attention.  I try and be a better friend.  Which may be my very own special brand of hubris, thinking that I can make a difference.  


So what if I can't?  How long do I keep trying?  And really, if I'm brutally honest, is it entirely altruistic, or do I get myself caught up in trying to help other people through their dramas, cause it is a really super effective way of not dealing with my own?  Because it's sort of selfish to wallow and feel your own pain, when there are other people who need you.  Right?  Because it's so much easier to dispense advice, offer condolences, meet the friend in need, than it is to maybe deal with the little pieces of my own life that may need a little attention.  Maybe it's because, when I'm lonely, it's nice to feel needed. 


Or maybe I am that bleeding heart I'm always being accused of being.  I care too much and spread myself too thin.  And then I get resentful when the support isn't there for me when I need help.  So is the key really to just continue to care and do what I can, but not care if it ever comes back?  Is the key to sharing your love and your concern, not worrying if it's returned or maybe even acknowledged?  Can you ever really love too much?