Todays topic. Hair. (Yeah, cause I cover all the DEEP INTELLECTUAL topics.) I woke up a few mornings ago, hating the shapeless mop my adorable little pixie had become and with a "vision" for my new hair.
Not so adorable shaggy hair thing - cleverly hidden under HAT.
NEW VISION = Short, sophisticated, sexy. Hot, right?
Instead, $120 later (including tip and weird red high lights) I walked out with a hair cut that was closer to...........
*dramatic sigh* THIS
Reactions have run the gamut from "oh, it's not THAT bad" , to mumbled "it's cute" and a hasty change of topic, to comparisons to the Fab Four back in their heyday, and culminating with the eventual "are you TRYING to sabotage yourself as a woman?" (I have the BEST friends, they may not care too much about my feelings, but they have enough faith in our friendship to be brutally honest and I have the mental scars to prove it. Wait, What? Friends do that? *mental note: blog about freinemies later*)
But the interesting thing I learned (was reminded of) - was WOW are some men really involved with long hair. I mean, you could set the bed they were laying in ON FIRE but if you have long hair, you're sexy and they might take you back.
I ran in to this in college, when I chopped off about 2 feet of Goddess hair after a hideous perm left me looking like Jon BonJovi in the early 90's. I actually had a guy that I had a crush on come up to me and tell me,"wow, I used to think you were hot, and that you were really cool and all, and I'd been JUST about to ask you out, but yeah, I don't like you with short hair" and I was like "REALLY? Fuck, I should have kept the hair and given it to you to rub on your penis. That would have totally made you happy." For some reason, he wasn't amused by my response and he was all like "I'm just being honest!" and I was all "WELL you're fucking honesty sounds a LOT like you being an asshole!" and he was all, "well my girlfriend now has long hair and she's HOT" and I was all "THEN IT'S TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE TO BRING UP HOW HOT YOU THOUGHT I WAS WITH LONG HAIR" and he was all "WELL SHE'S THINKING ABOUT GETTING A BOB." and then I think we may have made out passionately in the Frat House 1st floor Hallway for a bit, before I slapped him and went to go look for a re-fill on my beer. (Cold beer ALWAYS trumped insincere affection in my life, it's just the way it IS)
Side note - (Saw him 2 years later at a friend's wedding, when the hair had grown back, and HE ACTUALLY ASKED ME OUT, and I WAS LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? GTFO - AND BY THE WAY, YOU'RE WIFE, IS STARING ASSHOLE) *whew* dodged that bullet. Can you imagine being with a guy whose affections were actually swayed by the length of your HAIR?
Ever since then, I've been leery of men who were all about the long hair. I mean I get it, we all have preferences. Brad Pitt with his long hair in "Legends of the Fall" was AMAZINGLY fuckable... but that did not detract from his frakking hotness in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I PREFERRED HIM WITH HIS LONG HAIR, but that did not in anyway stop me from having dirty dreams about how fun a three-way would be with him and his short hair and Angelina Jolie. (Oh shut the fuck up, EVERYONE used to have a crush on her until she became so damned skinny it was scary. Yes, I know, I'm scared of the vah-jay jay but it doesn't mean that if it were super hot and paired up with a dude that was super hot... oh fuck... Mental note: fodder for future blog)
Uhm. so here's my point. I understand that long hair is often one of the things that many women cling to, cause they know guys LOVE it. And a LOT of women LOVE their long hair, genuinely and completely and the way a fat kid loves cake.
But I totally resent the implication that somehow, long hair will make me a more desirable mate. Maybe I know enough men that I respect as individuals that I REFUSE to think that this is really one of those "tipping points" that make a difference. And if I'm wrong? well then *whew* as fucked up as it all may seem, maybe I'm just dodging bullets?
I agree, having a preference is FINE, but I don't understand at all something as silly as hair being a "make or break" characteristic when it comes to a relationship...or even a date. It's fucking HAIR. It's dead skin cells. AND IT GROWS BACK. Superficial motherfuckers. Pretty sure you dodged the bullet on that one, you don't want to be involved with someone who gets that hung up on an easily altered physical characteristic. (Also, apparently I feel like swearing tonight. Go fig.)
ReplyDeleteAh!!! Too funny and how very real. I once had a guy tell me I was too skinny to date. I still have not seen a pic of you in your new do... I was trying to grow my hair out. I saw pics of myself with shorter hair and finally came to the realization that I look BETTER in shorter hair. After coming back from Ak, I went down and got about 5 inches cut off and am thinking about a shorter cut. This was after I asked my husband which he prefered, long or shorter hair. He likes long hair, but once I cut it, he said I looked good! I love long hair, just not on ME.
ReplyDeleteI once told my ex that if he liked long hair so well he could damn well grow his out. (This is the same man who slept through labor and delivery of my first child - not exactly a keeper.)
ReplyDeleteReally, though, I have medium thickness very fine hair. When cut short, above shoulder length, it has wave and body and looks, IMHO, relatively decent. If I let it grow much past shoulder length it rapidly looks limp, flat and thin, and drags my features down with it. No amount of processing, products and styling can rescue it. I'd rather have shorter hair that makes me happy than longer hair that looks like shit.
Would I like to have long hair? Sometimes. I"ve even considered playing with extensions. It'd be fun.
At my advanced age, though, I'm not dressing for nor doing my hair for a guy. Or to catch a guy. I'm doing it to make ME happy.